I have mixed emotions about the phrase “eat a dick” that I see used a lot on tumblr lately (and in real life).
It’s kind of rape-y. And as someone who has had to “eat a dick” against her will in real life, it’s kind of triggery. For me. (And I make no assumptions about the life experiences people of who choose to use that phrase.)
And I’m not asking people to only use certain language, and I’m sure as hell not asking people to change their “tone” or anything. Anger, and even meannness, are important tools of survival in marginalized communities.
But can we, maybe, put a trigger warning at least?
I don’t know.
It’s just that I keep hearing that phrase in my head over and over again.
I’ll trigger warn it and avoid it if i can it
I don’t use that much but it IS part of one of the only comebacks a lot of folks me and mine around the way had coming up .
Liek I said I struggle openly about being better and being honest with myself
and one of the responses that kept happening was the idea that peopel who could use this language
had never been assaulted.
When most of the folks very tragically had , in horrible and violent ways.
An it was just an accepted.. fact
Like there was this assumption by people who believed all SORTS of things could be reclaimed and no one women would EVER use that language and
God that infuriated me
and it’s ..
It’s this it’s this outside force that is dismissive and insulting of any kind of mental release you make for yourself
a circumstance that makes even that release hurtful and triggering and awful to folks you care for deeply
Welcome to the suck population all of us
the bolded part: yeah, life is more complicated than that, right?
I mean, I grew up in New Mexico, where most people are hispanic or white or native, and I don’t really have experience in the same culture as most black people in this country.
(Although being the only black girl for like, 500 miles around, and mixed on top of that, and Afro-Cuban on top of that, and being raised Muslim on top of that, is its own special brand of shitty experience.)
So I understand that because of my life experiences that phrase doesn’t have the same meaning it does to others. I get it.
And I don’t want to take protective resources like language away from anyone.
And I feel the need to be honest about how this has all been messing with me.
And talking openly about being assaulted is making me feel weird and vulnerable but kind of good and that is making me feel weird too.
It’s complicated, mixed emotions all around.
I have recently unloaded on so many people and I honestly havent got the rections I wanted but it has felt… better and that is weird.
I also think sometimes black girl short hand and I mean it is often assumed to be authoratitive rathe rthan indicative.
Like when we say stuff ofr me and for our experiences folks are quick to assume we are making a statement of blackness for all of us OMEN!
and it’s not
It’s just not
so what can we do BUT be honest
and it’s honestly hurting you
and that’s what’s real
and what else can we do .
It goes to back to what I said earlier about hurt people hurting people. Way too many folks in these conversations have histories with abuse & we’ve all come to terms with that however we could (or couldn’t as the case may be), and the language we use in anger reflects that as well as our larger culture that normalizes hurting ourselves & each other as part of struggling to be seen, to be heard, to be real. We’re triggered & triggering all the time because of that individual & collective pain.
Reblogging because this is a very interesting conversation. I will try to trigger warn as well.
The FBI currently defines rape as “the carnal knowledge of a female forcibly and against her will”, which, as Vanessa explained back in April, excludes statutory rape, same-sex rape, forced anal or oral sex, rape with an object and victims who are male or transgender or have disabilities, not to mention those who have taken drugs or alcohol and therefore had their ability to consent
The Uniform Crime Report Subcommittee voted unanimously to change the definition of rape, which had not been changed for 80 years (!) and rape will now be defined as, “penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim.”