Merf. Thinking is Hard.: Stephen Colbert [TW FOR TRANSMISOGYNY AND RELATED SLURS] -
- on pink slime “Yes, LFTB because our beef now has so many hormones it’s a member of the transgendered community.” (“So I just want to get out in front of this and say that I, Stephen Colbert, apologize to any of my transgender bovine viewers that may have been offended.”)
- “That’s why, fellas, always look for the adams apple! That’s a pro tip. Then, look for the adam’s penis”
- “Nation, President Elect, Obama is meeting every day with his transition team, or in beltway lingo, ‘tr***ies’.”
- “But these days, chewing gum is as supple and flamboyant as a Saigon Ladyboy.”
- “Oh, and the next time you’re waltzing with Matilda, you might wanna check out her adam’s apple, ‘cause she’s a dude!”
- “I’m not talking tasteful private ceremonies, I’m talking parades with floats, throbbing disco music, and sh*m**es tying the knot on preschool playgrounds!”
- “Now, I already an advance copy of the Deathly Hallows and Spoiler alert: Hermione’s a dude…”
- “If you ask me, we can’t trust any of these tr***ies.”
- “You see, I didn’t come here to criticize anyone. I came here to praise one man, one Her-man. Important note: a her-man is not the same as a sh*m**e.”
- “Gee, I wonder how a man called “Hilary” became so obsessed with names… …but, what would this limey sh*m**e have us call the war on terror instead?”
- “I believe that “the Man” is keeping the California republicans down. And, being from California, “the Man” is probably a tr***y.”
- “So, was this just a simple case of a panda that was a female and all along was misidentified due to the breed’s ambiguous sexual characteristics, or is the simpler answer that we’ve got a tr***y panda? Now, I never thought I’d give advice to bears, but here you go. Chinese pandas, here’s how you can tell the difference: if you show up to your breeding pen and your lady’s got a an adam’s apple and big paws, get the hell out of there!”
- “Left to their own devices, these brave young souls could fall prey to some very dangerous characters…” cuts to clips of Sex and the City “…by which I mean tr***ies.”
- “Now, we’ve all been fooled by these tr***y reptiles before…You’re out in the desert with a few friends having a few drinks. You see a lizard sunning itself on a rock. You go over to strike up a conversation. The lizards plays it cool, doesn’t respond. So you drink more to fill the awkward pauses. Next thing you know, you’re back at her place and suddenly you realize what you’re caressing isn’t a cloaca, it’s an enlarged femoral pore! And you just get the hell out of there! Or so I have read.”
- “C’mon democratic party. Play along! If your party does not implode, we’ll have to go with our backup scandal. Ed Rendell is a tr***y!” (screen shows photoshopped image of Ed Rendell) “Hello! I thought we were going to put up a picture of Ed Rendell, not this lovely lady right here.”
- “To get this protection these fair-weather-females and fence-sitting-fellas will have to identify themselves. They will no longer shock and confuse young reporters on assignment in a new town who happen to appreciate ladies with big hands.”
- “Oh, you mean the place of Queens…I thought maybe you were gonna reveal something! that perhaps we had a sh*m**e on our hands, here.”
- This tweet
- “But, here’s my biggest problem: this race was for female leatherback turtles. What kind of girl’s name is Billy? Ok. Know what I think, folks? Billy is a dude! A turtle tr***y! You can tell by the size of the flippers. And the adam’s apple. Trust me, I’ve been burned too many times. Evidently, I am not alone. They are a menace! Here’s my theory. While Stephanie and all of the other real gals were actually laying eggs on the beach in their nests, Billy fooled the judges by popping ping-ping balls out of his behind. And now he wants a trophy! Well, your little crying game is up, William! No no no, I demand that race officials verify the sex of this turtle, by checking the concavity of its plastron! Oh yeah, I’ve done my research. I do the same thing to all of my dates. And if that plastron is not concave, I am out of there.”
- Colbert: Is there a difference between male-bodied and male, or female-bodied and female?
Ketchup: Not all people with female bodies identify as women.
Colbert: So, if I meet somebody down there who says they’re a woman—
Colbert: —I could be in for a rude surprise? Because they may not be female-bodied?
- Colbert: Like What? What? What kind of jobs?
- Cartwright: Like transient farm working jobs.
Colbert: I don’t care what sex they are, as long as the pick my vegetables.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME
NEVER TRUSTING A WHITE DUDE AGAIN
Just in case people didn’t know.
It kinda sucks sometimes to be a fan of his show because satire is supposed to mock the powerful, not the oppressed. It’s frustrating and hurtful. This is one of the most painfully obvious ways that Colbert’s character goes beyond “I’m satirizing bigots by pretending to be one” and is just plain old being a fucking bigot.
Also notice the lack of hate for AFAB people.
Why doesn’t anyone discuss how society’s perceived ownership of the female body extends into parents who dictate everything their daughters do?
Not letting your daughters express themselves in how they dress, talk, wear their hair, or whether or not they wear makeup just gives them the idea, from an extremely young age, that their body is not their own and they must please others by making it look how they view best.
Learn that before you have children.
Mom. I’m looking at you. And yes, it does.
(Source: verdeverve, via socialistexan)
do animals think in english or in the sounds they make
this is what yahoo paid $1.1 billion for
(Source: afronaut, via socialistexan)
I’m not J.J. Abrams, who’s ultimately responsible. I’m just his Asian puppet. Which, by the way, is also the title of my autobiography. —
John Cho (x)
yo my heart is racing at the guts it takes to say something like this knowing full well what could happen. damn!!!!
(Source: itreallyisthelittlethings, via caffeinatedfeminist)
SO ACCURATE OMG
So over millennial hate. Fuck off. I love my generation.
yay now it’s accurate.
(Source: feistyfeminist, via graphitetroll)
Why is Alice Eve in her underwear, gratuitously and unnecessarily, without any real effort made as to why in God’s name she would undress in that circumstance? Well there’s a very good answer for that. But I’m not telling you what it is. Because… uh… MYSTERY? —
ACTUAL quote from Damon Lindelof, writer of Star Trek Into Darkness. When asked about Benedict Cumberbatch’s shirtless scene (which was apparently scripted at some point but then got cut), he wrote:
“As for the shirtless scene… we scripted it, but I don’t think it ever got shot. You know why? Because getting actors to take their clothes off is DEMEANING AND HORRIBLE AND…
These guys don’t even pretend to make an effort, do they? TOO MANY DICKS ON THE DANCEFLOOR.
Hard to tell out of context, but this could be his way of saying, “JJ Abrams/the producer made me do it”?
No, it’s not. Lindelof is definitely joking around, but in such a way that makes it clear that he doesn’t have much respect for the criticism. I’m relatively familiary with his sense of humour (I follow him on Twitter, anyhow), and to me this comes across as him acknowledging the problem but also basically saying, “I don’t give a shit”. The movie’s costume designer also said that the reason Alice Even has this scene is purely because there has to be a gratuitous hot-girl scene, and it was “her turn” because Zoe Saldana did it in the first movie.
The Abrams/Lindelof attitude reminds me a lot of Steven Moffat’s jokey way of brushing off all criticism as the ramblings of ~crazed internet feminazis. And all three share Christopher Nolan’s belief that if you show your scripts to your wife, it’s like an official sexism vetting process. “I’m married to a woman, I CAN’T be sexist!”
Also, Damon Lindelof and JJ Abrams are longtime collaborators so this definitely wasn’t a situation where Lindelof had an artistic vision that was quashed by Abrams. All publicity interviews with JJ Abrams, Damon Lindelof or Roberto Orci (another co-writer and producer, alongside Alex Kurtzman) have them presenting a united front re: attitudes towards classic Trek, the Star Trek fanbase, and women/female characters in general. Orci and Kurtzman are also longtime writing partners, and co-wrote the first two Transformers movies.
The white washing, gratuitous female nudity, and writing Kirk as a player who doesn’t even remember the names of his past sexual partners is bad enough. And then we get JJ Abrams saying he doesn’t like the original Star Trek universes because they’re “too philosophical” and these horrible remarks from Lindelof.
Summer blockbusters are great! I love summer blockbusters!
Star Trek is not meant to be a shoot shoot chase scene fire fight sex scene shoot shoot summer blockbuster.
Prince Gumball’s path to the throne was brutal. Fionna wasn’t around during the Sugar Wars; Gumball distracts her by acting super bland and wearing disco pants.
Marshall Lee knows the truth, but as Chaotic Neutral, he just can’t bring himself to give a shit.
ETA: Nhyworks just gave me the amazing pun ‘Game of Scones.’ Brb dying ok.